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Marine humor, hehe

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I found some Marine humor, thought I'd share it with you. Tommy you've probably already heard em :cheer: .


A U.S. Marine squad was marching north of Fallujah when they came upon an Iraqi terrorist, badly injured and unconscious. On the opposite side of the road was an American Marine in a similar, but less serious state.

The Marine was conscious and alert and, as first aid was given to both men, the squad leader asked the injured Marine what had happened. The Marine reported, ‘I was heavily armed and moving north along the highway here, and coming south was a heavily armed insurgent. We saw each other and both took cover in the ditches along the road.

‘I yelled to him that Saddam Hussein was a miserable low-life scumbag who got what he deserved’, and he yelled back that ‘Ted Kennedy is a fat, good-for-nothing, left wing liberal drunk who doesn’t know how to drive.’ So I said that ‘Osama Bin Laden dresses and acts like a frigid, mean-spirited lesbian!’ He retaliated by yelling, ‘Oh yeah? Well, so does Hillary Clinton!’

So there we were in the middle of the road shaking hands when the truck hit us…


A Marine and a sailor were sitting in a bar one day arguing over which was

the superior service.

After a swig of beer the Marine says, “Well, we had the flag-raising at Iwo Jima.â€

Arching his eyebrows, the sailor replies, “We had the Battle of Midway.â€

“Not entirely trueâ€, responded the Marine. “Some of those pilots were Marines, in fact, Henderson Field on Guadalcanal was named after a Marine pilot killed at the Battle of Midway.â€

The sailor responds, “Point taken.â€

The Marine then says, “We Marines were born at Tun Tavern!â€

The sailor, nodding agreement, says, “But we had John Paul Jones.â€

The argument continued until the sailor comes up with what he thinks will end the discussion. With a flourish of finality he says, “The Navy invented sex!â€

The Marine replies, “I have to give you that one, that is true. But it was the Marines who introduced it to women.â€


Three men - a Canadian farmer, Osama bin Laden and a Marine are all working together one day. They come across a lantern ….

And a Genie pops out of it. ‘I will give each of you one wish, which is

three wishes in total’, says the Genie. The Canadian says, “I am a farmer and my son will also farm. I want the land to be forever fertile in Canada.â€

POOF! With the blink of the Genie’s eye, the land in Canada was forever

fertile for farming.

Osama was amazed, so he said, ‘I want a wall around Afghanistan, Palestine, Iraq and Iran so that no infidels, Americans or Canadians can come in our precious land.’

POOF! Again, with the blink of the Genie’s eye, there was a huge wall

around those countries.

The Marine says, ‘I am very curious. Please tell me more about this wall.’

The Genie explains, ‘Well, it’s about 5,000 feet high, 500 feet thick and

completely surrounds the countries. Nothing can get in or out; it’s

virtually impenetrable.’

The Marine sits down, cracks a beer, smiles, and says, ‘Fill it with water'


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Had an employer once,, former marine (or shoulf I say un enlisted? as one is never a "former" marine?), good naturedly called him a sailor, and he good naturedly ripped up my paycheck... good times had by all..

In other words... I reallly appreciate joke #2

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Had an Lt. at the Sheriff's department I worked at in CA that was a former Navy Officer. He was a good guy and always gave me crap about being a Marine.

One day I was working on the Capt's PC and the Lt. was in there razzing me. Here was how the conversation went.

Lt.: "You know that the Marines are just a DEPARTMENT of the Navy, Right?"

Me: "Yep"

Lt.: Grins and Snickers a little

Me: "The Men's Department."

Capt.: Roars with laughter. "Thomas you almost made me spit my coffee all over the place"

Lt.: "I don't even have any response to that."

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Stan made a couple of cracks about how I was next and If I was ready, did I want it? etc, he was referencing my check.. but as often in the case of converstaion they could have had sexual over tones his remarks, so I worked the pitch,, stan were you in the service... marines right? very masculine and definitley straight branch, right?... with these comments, I would tend to think you may have been a sailor...

He became speechless, turned beet red, the 15 or 20 of us in the room, laughed our asses off, and I lost a check..... for all of 20 minutes he reprinted and had a good laugh... Helluva guy.

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